Secondary Infertility Challenges and Returning to Work after the Birth of my Daughter

by Carrie Norton

Part 1: Secondary Infertility

As a girl growing up, I held a vision in my mind of one day having two children. The sex didn’t matter to me but once I had given birth to my first child, in my mind, I would have my second child immediately after. I LOVE the relationship I have with my sister; we are 13 months apart. In my mind’s eye I wanted that same relationship for my children. Three months following the birth of my son, I returned to work with the image of a second pregnancy already filling my head. I had heard that women who are breastfeeding naturally produce a type of birth control, Prolactin. I was in love with breastfeeding my son and was in no hurry to stop. I continued until my son was 6 months old and then weaned myself from breastfeeding mainly because keeping my milk supply up when I was away from him became exhausting.

When my son turned one, I was still not pregnant; I started to feel something was not right. I talked to my OBGYN and she ran some blood tests. We found even though I had stopped breastfeeding my son, my body was still producing Prolactin. This Prolactin was preventing future pregnancies. The solution, we thought, was simple: I would take a pill to send a signal to my body to stop producing Prolactin. I should then be able to become pregnantEach hitch went by with no positive pregnancy. Traveling internationally through a half dozen time zones and forcing myself to stay awake when back at home my body should be sleeping were some of the stressors I was inflicting on my body every other month. I began to question if my body’s natural fertility cycles were being disturbed. My OBGYN recommended I start testing for ovulation, and my tests were all positive ovulation was happening. We were disappointed but didn’t know what to do. I had become pregnant in the past so I knew it was possible.

My OB then diagnosed me with Secondary Infertility. I didn’t understand what Secondary Infertility was (so I Googled it which was a mistake, as Google only confused me more). After reviewing our options, complicated by the fact that I work 28 day rotational shifts on and off a drillship in Angola, we found that trying an intrauterine insemination (IUI) would help our chances of becoming pregnant for the second time. This process is the “turkey-baster” approach to getting pregnant and is not as invasive as its cousin, in-vetro fertilization (IVF). We tried our first round and I went back to work praying for a positive pregnancy test. Nope - big, fat negative.

I started to feel broken. Our first pregnancy was a blessing, and I felt our struggles to become pregnant for a second time were petty. We were fortunate enough to have a beautiful healthy baby boy. My feelings were compounded into a kind of guilt that my beautiful son was not enough. I wanted more than just him; I wanted a second blessing. We continued on our journey with our second IUI when I returned home from work. Thankfully, my work schedule coincided with my fertility cycle. At the best of times, my chances to become pregnant only came around every other month. I was already thinking, ‘how many of these procedures is the norm and will the next step be IVF?’

After two years of frustration and undergoing two IUIs, the second IUI preceded a positive pregnancy test. I was ecstatic beyond words! I returned home from my hitch to receive the health approval from my doctor to confirm I was pregnant. Work would once again place me in a shore based position, and I worked from home where I helped our Houston Corporate office and attended regular prenatal appointments for our second baby.

On October 12th, I was blessed with the birth of a healthy 6 pound 11 ounce baby girl. I stayed with my daughter Elsie for the entirety of my family medical leave. I chose to breastfeed her as I did with my first born son. We instantly connected and I felt unexpected jealousy when I would hand her to another person for bottle feeding. I knew she needed to learn to feed from the bottle before I returned to work, but any short time away from her was already difficult. It was extremely hard knowing I could be her single source of food during her first year of life but I needed to give her to another caretaker because I would return to work after a short three months of maternity leave. A part of me really wanted to stay at home and be with my family indefinitely, but I knew an important part of me would be disappointed with myself for not following through with my career. I took every single day of the three months I had with my daughter as a gift. I snuggled and cuddled her and checked out of most other things around me because I knew she was the only thing that mattered during this time.

When I travelled to the airport to join the rig on my first hitch back from my second pregnancy leave, my husband brought our son and daughter to the airport with us. I had thought during our journey from the house to the airport, ‘this is going to be an absolute disaster’. They walked me through security and to my gate with a “family escort ticket” - I was able to stay at the gate with my son and daughter snuggling with them until the very last minute. When all of the other passengers had boarded, and it was my turn to take my seat on the plane, I passed my daughter to my husband and gave them both a big kiss and a hug. I then lastly turned to my son; by this time, I was in pieces, with tears running down my face. I gave him a huge hug. I was crying so much that all I wanted to do was hug him. He looked at me with the most mature and understanding look I have ever seen and said “Bye Mom.” As simple as that. He knew I was heading to work and he was OK with that. I hugged him again; I was so thankful that he wasn’t crying his eyes out for me to stay. I knew then that everything was going to be all right. The world was not coming to an end, and my family would survive without me while I worked my hitch at sea.

Part 2: Returning to Work

Pumping and saving breastmilk (BM) while traveling is a commitment of the heart. The commitment I made to myself and my daughter to keep my BM supply going by pumping kept my head occupied and my brain focused on what I could provide for my family while I was away from home. Breastfeeding (BF) and pumping BM has been shown to medically reduce the chances of women developing breast cancer later in life. Also, the longer a woman can BF and pump, the greater the risk is reduced. 

I wanted to save as much BM to send home to my daughter as I could. I pumped and dumped my BM with my son, and later had a lot of anxiety thinking of other ways I could have saved it and shipped it home. I was determined this go around with my daughter to try harder to preserve and ship it home to her.

Two days prior to my departure to Luanda, I needed to apply for my short term visa (STV) in Houston, Texas. The STV application meeting was at the Angolan Consulate and is a full day affair in which I left my house at 4am and returned home a few minutes before midnight. I packed a full bag of snacks, dish soap, collapsible basin and a bottle brush to wash my pump parts, BM storage bags and a cooler with cold packs for my expressed BM, but I was so tired the morning I left the house, I forgot my electric breast pump charging at home. I did, thankfully, have a single hand pump to hand-express BM. It was a painful experience but it forced me to understand my limitations, challenged me to make do with what I had on hand, and I learned the important ability to hand-express, which I was not very good at prior to my trip to Houston. This was mistake number one for me, and also a hard lesson that reminded me I WOULD NOT let myself forget to pack my electric pump when I left for my 28-day hitch to Angola.

Before departing to Angola, I found a solution to some challenges I was facing in transporting BM from point A to point B without spoiling. Milk Stork, a company I found through the Google search ‘transporting breastmilk internationally’, helps working mothers ship expressed BM back home to their babies. The company utilizes the services of FedEx through international or domestic deliveries. The traveling mother can also check their Stork baggage internationally or domestically when traveling home on an airplane.

The limitation I found with Milk Stork was the BM I expressed could only be in a refrigerated state and not frozen. Being gone for 28 days, the BM I expressed on day one of my hitch could only survive if frozen. I ordered an “International Pump and Ship” Milk Stork package and had it delivered to my day room at the Hilton Frankfurt Airport two days prior to my arrival. When I called the hotel, they confirmed my package had arrived and I could pick it up when I checked into my day room. I pumped intermittently from the time I departed my house in Maine through two domestic and one international flight. I had two different flight attendants, on two separate flights, walk in on me while I was pumping. They both claimed they wanted to check on me because they were worried something was wrong. I explained I was expressing milk for my child and they always seemed irritated or burdened by the fact I was using the aircraft lavatory. I never felt comfortable, even though it was my right to use the space. I learned by Googling ‘pumping breastmilk on a plane’ that women sometimes pump while sitting in their assigned airline seat. I could see why they felt more comfortable doing so, because I always felt I was inconveniencing everyone on the plane by camping out in the bathroom to pump.

This led into mistake number two: I used my pump a lot traveling from Maine to Houston, and on the flight from Houston to Frankfurt, my electric pump battery was dangerously low. I had packed two manual pumps for back up but when I tried to setup the Medela Harmony pump, I realized I was missing some pieces. It would not work with the setup I had on hand. Thankfully, I had the second hand pump which did not need any accessories. Moral of the story: make sure you are familiar with your equipment. I was thankful I had a backup plan to my backup plan. I was exhausted but had a small cooler full of milk when I was done. I was very excited to see my Milk Stork package waiting for me at the Hilton.

Mistake number three: When I arrived at my day room at the Frankfurt Airport, I immediately commenced charging my battery-operated electric breast pump. I also needed to use it desperately because it had been a while since I had expressed. I had ten hours in the day room before my connecting flight to Luanda departed, so I showered, slept, and then went about packing my Milk Stork “Pump and Ship” package. After everything was done, I set off to my connecting flight thinking my electric pump was good to go for the remainder of my travels to the Drillship. Apparently I had really drained the battery because it was still blinking. I thought to myself, maybe there is something wrong with the battery? I proceeded to take the battery out and place it back in. I neglected to note the fact that when the battery is removed from a Medela Freestyle breast pump, the pump is reset to factory start up mode and the battery has to charge for 12-24 hours in order for the pump to operate. The pump would start and immediately shut off after 7-13 seconds of operation. I didn’t learn why this was happening until I reached the Drillship and read the operation manual. I had been panicking, thinking I had a faulty battery and was stuck on board for 28 days without an electric pump! Moral of the story: know your equipment well enough that you can troubleshoot problems as they happen more effectively.

Back in the day room, when I had correctly packed my precious BM according to the Milk Stork directions and activated the refrigeration unit in the lid by pressing the activation button, I brought the package to the hotel receptionist. When my Milk Stork package was ready to be picked up, I needed to confirm via phone call from reception that a FedEx pick up was scheduled. When the receptionist called the local German FedEx location to schedule a pickup, they were told they could not pick up the package because German customs would not allow milk to be shipped internationally. Upset at this news, I immediately called Milk Stork, who communicated directly with FedEx in Germany. Milk Stork Customer Support was amazing, sending text messages confirming my package was picked up from the Hilton so I wouldn’t worry about leaving it behind while I travelled back to work. With the international “Pump and Ship” Milk Stork package, the cost includes international FedEx shipping from the location where you packed your BM (in my case Frankfurt, Germany) back to your home. My husband received the package within the time we expected, and the BM was a very cold 36 degrees Fahrenheit or 2.22 degrees Celsius. BM, when kept at a temperature of less than 39 degrees Fahrenheit, can keep unspoiled for about 8 days.

The only way 28 days’ worth of BM could be transported to the US from a Drillship 96 nautical miles offshore Luanda, Angola, would be to pack it securely with dry ice. There is no other way that doesn’t pose a risk to losing the shipment entirely. I could not find a company that would manage the logistics of shipping frozen BM from Luanda, Angola. I could have managed to pack the frozen items with dry ice myself but when I approached Rig Management, I could not receive approval from the client to use the rig freezer to store BM. They couldn’t tell me a specific reason why I couldn’t, other than the client would not allow or authorize it. So I didn’t press any further and decided to keep only the last five days of refrigerated expressed BM, utilizing the Milk Stork international “Pump and Check” shipping package to make my life easier. Any international Milk Stork package, whether it’s “Pump and Ship” or “Pump and Check”, will keep BM at a refrigerated temperature for 90 hours. I figured five days of pumped milk and two days of travel would be a good safety margin in case of delays in travel. The international “Pump and Check” Stork Package was the only purchase option because Angolan Customs, for whatever reason, does not allow the shipment of BM through FedEx international shipping. Milk Stork has already done the research and will help guide you through your options when traveling abroad and the process of preparing and shipping your BM home from various countries around the world. Milk Stork packages can get pricy, and I feel very fortunate that my company is paying for this benefit and supporting my endeavors to feed the best possible food to my growing daughter.

Considering everything I have been through, I would not change the choices I have made or the experiences I have gained. Being a mom as well as a mariner, I feel like I have the best of both worlds, and can share both of these parts of myself with my children so they will understand the importance of following the passions they find in their own lives one day.

Carrie and baby Elsie

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As always, Sea Sisters wishes to make clear that we support all parents in their choices of what to feed their babies. While Carrie has chosen to strive to produce breastmilk for her children, we know that not all parents have this option, and we believe that fed is best!

1 Year

It’s here: my one year anniversary as an offshore mom. I feel fulfilled to have followed through with my Merchant Mariner career goal, even when now my personal priorities have changed. I was able to prove to myself that I have the strength to succeed as both a mother and a mariner. I am proud to be typing this story of my success but, to be completely honest, it is very hard physically and emotionally to separate the mother part of me and return the seaman back to sea. 

Mariners have strengths in many facets. The capability for strength of will and resilience is built with time. To harness the will to continue a career through an obstacle, or the courage and bravery to leave a loved one and go a long distance away from home, takes a strong desire to pursue your passion. Offshore work is tough; equally tough for the body, mind and spirit. Becoming an offshore Mother is an additional challenge. When returning to work after Bennett was born, I was vulnerable and unsure of what I had decided for my family and myself. I listened to comments from coworkers; coworkers hold the power to both disappoint and inspire. I have since learned to hear what empowers, and tune out what discourages. I protect my goals, passions, and pride within and, in turn, keep a positive mentality. There is no room for negativity and weakness inside myself when I am a role model for others - especially my son. I can hold only positive thoughts of providing for my new family and hold true to my career commitments. I have to take everything in stride because sometimes life is not what we expect it to be. I have become a stronger mariner and individual without realizing it. I am now able to understand that my family can survive without my physical presence, and I have come to understand the true meaning of who I am. 

Originally, I thought Bennett would miss me more. I thought there would be tears of sadness and anger when I left to return to work every hitch. I imagined a terrible scene at the airport: Bennett would hang onto my leg, and I in turn would fall apart at the seams, hot tears running down my face, my husband peeling our son off me. Maybe he is still too young to show these forms of emotion, but nothing of this sort happened in reality. I was very fearful to return to work. I began fabricating the worst-case scenario in my mind, remembering every coworker who ever told me stories about being separated from their loved ones. Upon consideration, I think Bennett understands when I am leaving. He clings to his dad and watches me walk down the jet way to the entrance of the plane. He sees the sadness on my face and knows I do not want to leave him. He knows mommy leaves for a long period of time. During our time away from one another, he relies on his dad to take care of him and “magically”, mommy shows up on the phone. He knows I call daily and can see me in the glass screen in his hand. Bennett knows I am there, even though he cannot touch my face, my hair or my skin. He kisses the phone, says “HI!”, smiles and waves at me. I truly feel that Bennett is an old soul. He may already be familiar with this way of life; the life he has known since birth. I do not know why, but I do know it works: my life as mother and mariner. 

It is heartbreaking to leave my family and return to work every hitch; these feelings are unavoidable and uncontrollable. One of the only means of relieving the pain is faith in our strong family bond. Our trust in each other gives me the ability to return to work understanding that all will be well at home. 

I am so blessed to have a healthy, happy family with whom I am able to communicate daily on the phone and through FaceTime. I watched Bennett’s first steps on FaceTime: I was not physically there to see them.  It hurts not being the one to hold out my arms in encouragement, but I know that when I am home I’ll have unrestricted access to him. I can hold his hand as we walk in the backyard together, helping him master his newfound skills. I will not be home for every birthday or Christmas. I have accepted these limitations and know that I can make up what time I have missed with four weeks of “us time”. 

I am a proud mother and a mariner, and I love my beautiful life. 

Baby on Board

Since starting work offshore as a merchant mariner right out of the Academy, I've always thought “I’m still young, I could put off pregnancy for another year; maybe at that time I will be in a better place professionally”. But at the age of 31 and still working rotational hitches, I felt it was time to think about starting a family, since becoming pregnant was something my husband and I had wanted from the beginning. 

We wanted to start a family but we were nervous about how the company would view my pregnancy health status while I was working offshore. I searched for a “Pregnancy Leave” policy, but there was nothing in place for women working offshore in Angola, Africa. There were no women before me I could talk to about this issue; there were no other females working offshore in Angola at the time. Without a company policy, I was in the dark on how shipboard vessel management would treat my case. I wanted to talk to the correct people on how to proceed, but it was a struggle; no one in Human Resources knew how to help. Each HR representative only referred me to another representative in another division of HR. No one in HR had come across any circumstances within the entire company where a woman had been pregnant and continued to work offshore. 

Therefore, with only a verbal promise from my Rig Manager that I would always have my 2nd Mate position held for me onboard the vessel in Angola, I became pregnant. I informed my Rig Manager of the news the following hitch, in the third week of my first trimester - I had just received a positive pregnancy test. When I returned home, I would perform a full health check with my doctor prior to returning to work. 

When I was home, my doctor assessed the risks and stated there were none to returning to work this early in the pregnancy. There was no threat of Zika found in Angola at the time, so I returned to work. 

During this hitch, I was still in my first trimester and healthy. I felt fortunate that the Rig Manager knew of the pregnancy, and I was ready and excited to work. The vessel’s doctor gave me daily checkups consisting of blood pressure and heart rate checks. I worked my four weeks without any issues of morning sickness or pains. I even walked the helicopter deck and performed light weight training in the ship’s gym to keep a level of healthy fitness under the guidance of my obstetrician. 

On the last day of my hitch, the captain informed me that once I returned home, I would not be returning to work until after our baby was born. They announced my “temporary” replacement and wished me luck with the pregnancy. I was at a loss for words but trusted the company would look out for my best interests. The Rig Manager, working with HR, finally gave me some answers a few days later. 

The company needed me in the corporate office for my skills and experience offshore. I traveled to Houston and spent two weeks training with the wonderful men and women in the Corporate Compliance and Documentation department. My manager, who also had a maritime background, taught me the ins and outs of the internal vessel and offshore platform document database. My tasks were to rename and file all the current and obsolete documents inside the corporate database for all the current and cold-stacked vessels. In the corporate office, I had the opportunity to experience the shore-based shipping side of the company. People I had only known through ship emails became real people. I was able to appreciate a different perspective of the maritime industry. I really liked working in the office temporarily, but I could not have done it long-term. 

Once I learned the job, I was able to work from home, or from anywhere with an internet connection. I felt very fortunate to be home and close to my obstetrician during the pregnancy. I was happy to be able to continue to work for the company shoreside until it was time for our baby to arrive (my husband and I wanted the baby’s gender to be a surprise, so as I write this I refer to our little joy as “our baby”). 

Working from home was a huge change from working at sea. I was on a computer busting out 8-hour workdays Monday through Friday. I took a one-hour lunch to break up the day. It was the most time I had ever spent at home with my husband since we met at the academy, which was fantastic and frustrating at the same time. While working rotational hitches, when I was at home, I was at home and relaxing. Now I was at home and working, which is not an easy transition for a mariner or her spouse. Although it was a bit difficult, we persevered and really cherished our evenings and weekends together. This was our new life until our baby’s arrival. 

Our beautiful son Michael Bennett Norton was born in Maine through two Nor ‘east snowstorms. No one could have prepared me for the extreme love I would feel looking into his eyes for the first time; suddenly everything was right in the world and all the work and struggles were so small. Our pregnancy adventures had ended and here my husband and I were gazing intently at this helpless precious baby boy as he gazed back at us in wonder. We both realized immediately that the real adventures were just now starting. 

Our hospital required us to stay two additional days after Bennett’s birth to ensure we were both ok. During the additional days, we learned so much about baby Bennett and about each other. We learned the correct way to change a diaper. I learned the ins and outs of breastfeeding and its difficulties. We realized breastfeeding stories are often more romantic than breastfeeding is in real life. For us, the nutritional and health benefits outweighed the heavy burden of commitment which breastfeeding requires. I savored the moments when Bennett fed; we were bonding and loving one another. He had a poor latch, which I learned would make breastfeeding hard. I needed to hand-express or use a breast pump to acquire the necessary food to bottle-feed Bennett. Even though pumping breast milk and feeding Bennett through a bottle was not the lactation consultant’s recommended method of feeding newborn babies, it allowed my husband to feed Bennett so he could also bond with him. 

We were very lucky that Bennett was not a fussy eater. He was able to switch between bottle and breast-feeding without issues. Using a breast pump is time-consuming, so I was often happy to be using my two natural “feeding units”, and my mobile baby breast pump named Bennett. Pumping breast milk requires many parts and pieces alongside the pump. The various breast pump tubes, bottles, and supplies needed cleaning every time I pumped, which was every 2-3 hours. The pump supplies also needed to be sterilized once a day. Spilling the precious milk could present an issue and handling the food source appropriately by either freezing or refrigerating it for the future was very important. So by pumping and storing milk in those three months, I managed to freeze enough breast milk so that Bennett was able to receive two 4oz servings every day while I was gone to sea for 30 days. 

After the 12 weeks preceding the birth of Bennett, my Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits expired and I had to make the choice to return to work offshore or quit my job. If I quit, I would have to pay back to my company the income and medical costs they had paid for my maternity leave, including the FMLA benefits. 

But if I returned to work, how would I feel being away from my son while my husband was the primary caretaker? Other questions came to mind as the date loomed closer. How would my son respond to me being away from him? Would I continue to breastfeed? If I wanted to continue to breastfeed my son when I returned from sea, how could I make this a reality? How are people going to view my decision to return to work? 

In the end, I would return to work in my previously held position as 2nd Mate. Many people tried to discourage me from returning to work. I responded to their feedback by saying, “I will return to sea and see how it goes”. In those experiences, after hearing this, most people would then give encouraging words. But it was difficult reading the doubt in their faces. It left me thinking, "Am I a bad mom for leaving my newborn child and returning to work? Are other people going to think I am a terrible parent?” I knew I needed to try to return to my career at sea, which I had strived so hard to build. If I did not try, I would forever doubt my abilities and become disappointed in myself. If I had not had the strength and conviction to encourage myself in spite of the naysayers, I could not have had the drive to return to work. A new mom returning to work after having a child requires some self-determination, and there would have been no way I could have had the strength to leave my son for the first hitch if I had not prepared myself from day one of pregnancy to return to work. 

No matter what people said to me, most were extremely discouraging. So from the start, I kept believing in my heart and my mind that I was strong, and I needed to return for myself and for our family. 

In addition to the daily mental barrage of negative emotions in the face of my impending return to work, I also experienced physical challenges. I decided to keep my breast milk supply going while I was working offshore. Bennett ate both breastmilk and formula, but scientific evidence argues that breast milk is the best thing for not only his physical and mental growth, but also his immune system development. So in order to continue to keep my milk supply, I would need to pump or express at specific intervals throughout the day.

I knew from experience that 8 hours was the maximum amount of time I could wait before I was too uncomfortable. I did not need to pump every 2-3 hours - that would be too excessive. On the way to work, I would require a place to hand-express to meet breastfeeding goals. The ideal places were airport baby nursing rooms. These rooms, dedicated to nursing mothers, were a godsend but rare at most airports. I was comfortable and accepted in the baby nursing rooms, often meeting other women in my exact scenario, expressing while on a business trip away from their children. We would give each other kudos and I would feel revived and empowered upon leaving.

An alternative to the baby nursing rooms within the airports were family restrooms. Family restrooms were private places where I could pump with adequate counter space for all the necessary supplies, but these bathrooms were popular within the airport (I noticed many airport employees would hide in these restrooms). I would often receive dirty looks from some people when leaving the bathroom without an infant in tow. If I could not find a baby nursing room or a family bathroom, my only alternative was a normal bathroom.  With all the pumping supplies, the nursing bra, and the hands-free bra, it is difficult to balance pump supplies and carry-on luggage without a counter area. Unfortunately, this is where I found myself pumping the majority of the time. 

Once I was out of the airport, I would need to continue to pump on the plane during flights longer than 6 hours, which meant two out of my three flights en route to the vessel. I would try to pick a time when most people were asleep so as not to bother any of the other passengers or create a line to the bathroom. There was always someone looking annoyed that I had taken 20-plus minutes in the airplane lavatory. I ignored the dirty looks, thinking of all the benefits I was working toward for my son, and thus persevered through the airplane breast pumping. 

At the end of my final flight, I was in Angola. Our crew needed to clear customs, grab our bags, take a van to the ship terminal and catch a Fast Vessel to the rig. Between my last pump onboard the airplane and arriving at the rig, it would be close to 5 hours of travel so during the 4.5-hour transit to the rig, I would need to pump on the Fast Vessel transit. In a small toilet area, aboard a small boat driving fast and being tossed about in the sea, no AC; I do not normally get seasick but I was developing uneasiness more and more by the second. I managed to finish the job knowing I was only a few moments away from seeing my breakfast. One more milestone accomplished. I was pioneering a new journey: adventure breast pumping! 

Once I arrived onboard the rig, I had to establish a long-term plan. I would express before I went to bed, sleep for 8 hours, then pump again when I woke up. These were two easy situations; I was in the privacy of my room on my own time. The challenge was my midnight to noon watch rotation. At about 0330 in the morning, I noticed the traffic on the bridge was low. The Chief Mate had resumed work after coffee time and all other VIPs were sleeping. This was the time of day when I could sneak a 10-15 minute quick pump. I laughed at the thought of how many women and seafarers alike would think I was completely mad. Between 0400 and noon, it was tough to find time. If I skipped a session, which I had to do on a few days when operations did not permit, I would be very uncomfortable by the time I got back to my room. I strived to make time to pump even if it was only for 5 minutes. 

Another physical challenge; what would I do with the milk I was expressing? How would I keep it at a proper temperature while traveling and onboard the rig? How will I get this large quantity of breast milk back home to my son? This physical challenge ended up transitioning into the hardest mental challenge of my motherhood: I would have to pour this milk down the sink. Even typing the words makes me cringe. Through the airports, the Fast Vessel, and my time onboard the rig, I “pumped and dumped”. As heart-wrenching each and every moment of dumping my precious baby food down the drain was, I kept a level head thinking it would keep my baby fed a little longer when I returned home. The trials and tribulations of pumping to keep my supply from “drying up” was a challenging and entertaining adventure. It made for great conversations when I returned home, and I was able to breastfeed Bennett as if I had never left. 

When I arrived onboard after my maternity leave, my coworkers were surprised that I had returned to work again. They thought I would stay ashore and work in the office; they did not understand that the office work was a temporary job while I was unable to return to the vessel. Having a child doesn’t necessarily have to permanently force a woman ashore, but my coworkers assumed I would give up my career offshore to raise my child. 

To earn a living at sea and have a beautiful family was always a lifelong goal of mine. A father can also parent at home; it does not always have to be the mother. Currently my husband’s job allows him to work from home. He and Bennett are happy together while I am working offshore. He keeps my clothing around Bennett throughout the day. The clothing has my scent and it reminds him that although I am not presently with him, I will be returning. 

I have enormous trust in my husband. Leaving home as a new parent with very little experience raising a child is frightening. I cannot say all my days away from Bennett are easy; I have cried and felt heartaches I never knew were possible. I have replayed the hundreds of saved iPhone movies of my son smiling and giggling at me. I feel very grateful I can FaceTime my husband daily. Bennett smiles, laughs, kicks his feet and sometimes tries to grab or kiss the phone when we are talking. Talking to my husband and son on FaceTime and getting daily photo updates keeps me grounded at work - and my mom instincts in check. 

In the future, my son will learn that both men and women with a positive mentality and work ethic have a place offshore. Anyone, man or woman, can achieve anything as long as they put their minds to it. My pregnancy was one more challenge to overcome through perseverance and patience. My experience can help the next generation of female mariners achieve their goals by standing up for what they want to achieve: both at sea and in their personal family choices at home. 

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Carrie with husband and baby Bennett

"How did you get started in the maritime industry?"

It is fate that brought me to the maritime industry. This is the only way I can explain the turn of events that guided me to where I am today. 

As it is with most sea stories, I started out as a small child with a HUGE passion for the ocean. A physics field trip in high school opened my eyes to Maine Maritime Academy (MMA). MMA's campus, located in Castine, Maine, is on the beautiful coast of Penobscot Bay. First impressions are everything, and upon first glance, the Penobscot Bay campus was love at first sight! The scene was set on the academy's working waterfront, which was teeming with various vessels, from small sailboats to research vessels; and who could miss the enormous Training Ship State of Maine!

The passion became reality when I was accepted into the Marine Science Program. During the first few weeks we would gather on the M/V MC Hill, one of MMA's research vessels, collecting and testing water column samples. It wasn’t long before I found my true passions were not concerned with what was under the water, so much as with the culture and the camaraderie of being at sea. I switched to the Marine Transportation Program in the second semester of my freshman year, in spite of strong apprehension from my parents, and vowed to pursue a life at sea.  Or at least I said I would give it a chance: I could always go back to counting fish. It was the most profound decision I would ever make in my young adult life. I made this choice purely from the heart. I had no family or friends with experience in the industry to help reassure that the decision I had made was correct. I was on my own in "uncharted waters". 

The decision set me on a path for an amazing career - a career full of adventure, lifelong friendship, danger, and heartbreak. All of which I still experience daily! I honestly feel like an actor in a drama series every day at work. It’s never a dull moment, every day is different, and I am always learning something new.  How many people can say they experience all this at their current jobs!?

 I have never regretted the decision I made at MMA, but I have wondered what exactly brought me to opt for transporting goods over water rather than studying what's in the water. The sea has a strange way of hypnotizing people. Again, all I can figure is that fate brought me to the sea. 

After graduating from MMA, I received a Master’s of Science Degree and 3rd Mate Unlimited Tonnage License and began work at Edison Chouest Offshore (ECO). At ECO, I held a position as 3rd Mate, 2nd Mate and then 1600 Ton Master for 3 years on vessels ranging from the 100 foot Support Vessel “Fast Spirit” to the 270 foot “Kobe Chouest” Offshore Supply Vessel. One of the most eventful tours I experienced was the delivery of the “Fast Spirit”, as Captain, from Port Fourchon, Louisiana to Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. Highlights of the delivery were the thousands of whales we encountered (it must have been breeding season!) around Haiti, and the dramatic landscapes of Natal, Brazil as we passed close to shore. Negatives included the fact that our company had enticed the crew into taking the job by promising them at least three days to go hog-wild in Rio. Needless to say, it didn’t happen as they imagined and the crew were shipbound until clearance was granted by customs and immigration - three days later. They fussed and complained like toddlers (I have met better behaved toddlers!) and refused to work. Blaming the Captain was the only way they were able to seek restitution. Interestingly enough I wanted to see Rio too but not for the same reasons they did.

With ship handling, management experience, and a DPO certification under my belt, I sought out bigger and better opportunities offshore.  Never, EVER underestimate the power of networking; this is one of the most valuable tools in your arsenal when looking for a job offshore. This goes hand in hand with the phrase ‘it’s not only what you know but who you know’. I networked with a MMA classmate and friend of mine who referred me to my current job with Ensco PLC. I am currently on board the ENSCO DS-8 as Senior Dynamic Positioning Operator and 2nd Mate DPO. I have been working at Ensco for a total of 5 years. I first started with the company on the ENSCO DS-4 delivering the 750 foot “6th generation” drillship from Curacao to Brazil.  I was on board the DS-4 from the first well she drilled until we brought her back to the Gulf of Mexico three years later.

I then had the opportunity to work on the Projects Development side of Marine Shipping. Still working for Ensco I oversaw the building and commissioning of the ENSCO DS-8 at Samsung Heavy Lift in Geoje, S. Korea. To witness large ships being assembled the way a child would build a set of Legos is a breathtaking and rare sight. It was fascinating watching large pieces of raw steel being transformed into a backbone, and then a skeleton, to be lifted and welded together to resemble a ship form, in as little as a few weeks to a month. To live and work in Korea was also fantastic. Bikes and mopeds and shipyard worker traffic to and from work every morning was a sight to see. The energy pulsed in the shipyard city and you had no choice but to become immersed in it as you traveled to and from the yard.

Any opportunity to work outside of your comfort zone, to experience something completely different, is a risk worth taking. I am feeling incredibly fortunate to have been able to experience what I have thus far in my maritime career both on land and offshore. I am looking forward to helping others experience similar achievements; to empower, motivate and guide future mariners who have questions or would like to share their experiences or concerns. I want to help make the maritime industry more achievable by advocating equal opportunities for female mariners.

 I currently hold a Chief Mate Unlimited Tonnage License and I am looking forward to starting a family with my incredible husband while continuing to further my professional career offshore.