It’s 2 a.m. I’m on a tanker, anchored off Homer, Alaska in the middle of winter. We’ve come from the Gulf of Alaska into the sheltered waters of Kachemak Bay, our ship totally covered in a thick layer of ice after 48 hours of freezing spray that has accumulated on everything. Our pipelines are covered in about two inches of ice. The chocks are frozen. The winches are frozen. The valves are frozen. Nothing on deck is usable. The engineers make us de-ice the manifolds using steam guns (think: holding a pipe on your shoulder and controlling the steam with a little valve... like a bazooka). All around us is pitch black, save for the blinding deck lights. I’ve been steam gunning for hours; I’m soaking wet, my eyes are scratchy from lack of sleep, and I have to pee. I trudge into the house, rush into the head and start undressing. I have to take off my jacket; I have to unzip my bib coveralls; I get those pulled down and then fumble with my pants. I barely make it but then there I am sitting on the john still wearing a hard hat and safety glasses, with my winter gear strewn all around me. I burst out laughing – the scene is just too comical not to.
It was crazy but on that night, I was so happy to be right there at that exact moment: cold, tired and all. This is one of my crispest memories in life. I was 22 years old and on my first ship.
So many times during my career at sea I’ve asked myself, ‘how the heck did I end up right here, right now?’ Some mornings, I’ll be enjoying a sunrise, sipping my coffee on the bridge wing and my mind will start to wander... every choice, every action, every reaction... it all happened in a certain order so I could be right here, right now.
I think my fascination with the sea started around age 8 when I read The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi. I wanted salt-crusted hair and adventure. I wanted to be slicing through line in a storm. I wanted an epic journey. By that time I was already a beach baby and fostered a love of the water that knew no bounds; a quest for adventure was an extension of that love. I grew up in Hawaii and our family did what most families do in Hawaii - packed up the kids and spent the weekend at the beach. It’s the best way to keep everyone happy. Think about it - kids never squabble at the beach. Adventure and salt-crusted hair was mine every weekend.
By high school I was waking up in the mornings and picking up classmates before the sun rose for dawn patrol. We’d surf, shower, and drive to school with wet hair. One day I was hanging with some friends at lunch – they had a meeting to go to and I didn’t have anything else to do so I tagged along. It turned out to be one of those fateful choices that changes the course of your life. The meeting was for Project Ho’olokahi, a sailing program based on the traditional Voyaging Canoe. From that day on I sailed on the canoe Makali’i throughout high school, learning about non-instrumental navigation and the ancient art of wayfinding. This experience solidified my desire to work on the water.
At that time, I was leaning toward Marine Biology because it was the only field I could envision myself pursuing on the water. I started researching schools with Marine Biology programs. I did what doesn’t exist anymore: I went to Borders and pulled out a big book that listed colleges by major. I came across Maine Maritime Academy - I had never been to the East Coast. All I knew was that this was going to be something new and different, and maybe exciting. I applied to their Marine Science Department. Because the school was so far from home, my dad and I went to check things out - in January - so I could see some real snow. While we were at the school, I learned about some of the other majors they offered, namely, the ones that prepared you to go to sea. Whoa. This is so cool! I didn’t even know this existed! I quickly changed my major to Marine Transportation Operations and earned a Third Mate Unlimited Tonnage License. Since graduating, I’ve slowly upgraded my license over years of sailing. I now hold an Unlimited Tonnage Masters License.
Most of my career has been deep sea - tankers, container ships, and my all-time favorite seagoing experience: heavy lift ships. I mostly worked overseas, flying to and from vessels all over the world. I recently made the switch to tugboats. I’m working on getting my master of towing, and loving it. This is so different from sailing deep sea and it’s definitely a fresh challenge!
Going to sea has made me who I am today; trying to find the words to describe how this journey has shaped me feels nearly impossible. I’ve tested my mettle. I’ve cried in the shower. I’ve made friends who have become family. I’ve sailed along with dolphins and whales and other exquisite sea life. I’ve worked until I thought I would drop from sheer exhaustion. I’ve learned; I’m still learning.
Whenever I start to fret about how my career at sea is shaping up I read this quote from Cheryl Strayed:
“Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue.”
My life is at sea and I wouldn’t change it for the world.