Burnout, and a Life In Transit

Working in the maritime transportation industry has provided a unique lens through which I view transit. It’s a deeper understanding of how everything, from my Amazon packages to my gasoline, makes its way to my doorstep or my local Gasland. There’s a greater appreciation for the container you see on the highway or the fruit from South America in the grocery store. 

Just as our goods are in transit, as a seafarer I also spend a great deal of my life in transit, between ports as well as to and from my home and vessel. That transition from home to onboard and onboard to home is not one I considered closely as a cadet. Now that I am sailing as a mate, it is an aspect of this career I have gained a greater understanding of. 

Working on the water can often mean having a very unconventional schedule. Some of us work 4 months on the ship, followed by 4 months of vacation. Others work 28 days on and have 14 days off. When I talk to those ashore who have limited knowledge of the industry, if any at all, they always seem fascinated by how much time off this job gives me. But what if at the end of those 75 days home, I don’t feel well-rested? It certainly didn’t consist of 2.5 months lying on the beach (though that would be nice). Before I know it, I’m back on board ready to work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, working midnight to noon and realizing that I’m back in the half of my life with limited sunlight, spending the majority of my day working in the dark. How does someone, after 75 days of no work, no emails, and no call outs, feel burned out? 

I think the best way to explain this burnout is to provide a glimpse into how I make my busy life work, starting with how I gear up and adjust from one half of my life to the other. 

“I don’t know how you do it? How do you leave? How do you miss Christmas? How are you gone all the time?” “Are you burned out?” Those questions are ones I hear frequently as I prepare to head to work for 75 days. My emotions are often ones of stress and anticipation, but also a desire for adventure. I didn’t know what I would experience in my first hitch as a mate. As a cadet it was mostly relief that I felt: the relief to get away from school, the sense of adventure that awaited! As a mate, it’s a much different experience. 

The Before: 

Knowing that crew change is coming usually jumpstarts a range of emotions. I’m usually pretty stressed, if I’m honest with myself here. Getting ready to go back to work can be a shock to the system. The preparations before joining my ship include packing, powers of attorney, and last minute car maintenance, to name a few. Sometimes it’s ordering Christmas presents, wedding gifts, or baby shower gifts months in advance; writing birthday cards and anniversary cards to be mailed at a later date. Oftentimes the joining date will change. Emotionally, I can feel myself getting geared up for the other half of my life, which is so different from my shoreside life. I like to get as many things off my to-do list as possible before I leave - it’s a lot easier to deal with land problems while you’re still on land! This prep allows me to reduce my stress levels when I’m offshore and focus on my work on board, knowing that everything is taken care of at home. 

After Sign On: 

At first, I usually get a case of what I call my “ back to work blues”. I usually try to counter this with making my room feel more like home. For me, this looks like bringing my own pillowcase, hanging some pictures, and always having comfy PJs. I also try to set some goals for myself for the hitch that aren’t work related. Maybe I want to journal more, read more, work out at least 3x a week. This helps me frame the hitch as a positive time of personal growth instead of feeling trapped onboard. 

That Sign Off Feeling: 

The feeling of going home is always a good one, though I always need a few days to truly decompress; my family has always been good about just letting me lay horizontally and only getting vertical for meals until I am ready to get back to shoreside life. My dad used to come in and check on me, saying “looks like you are fighting gravity today, but not winning”. There’s always so much to do at home, but those first few days of rest are crucial. I usually feel a pretty wide range of emotions when I sign off: relief that my brain can rest, gratitude that I made it home safely, and excitement for the freedom to travel and see loved ones. 

So let’s talk about burnout and, more importantly, balance. 

I have always been a busy person; I truly over-schedule every hour of a 24 hour day! I have always struggled with and am still learning how to say no to things and take the time I need to rest. As someone who misses a lot when I’m at work, I don’t want to miss a moment when I’m off. This desire to be present for those I love has caused me to rack up more frequent flyer miles than I ever expected. I’m the kind of person who will be there, even if it means flying in for less than 24 hours. I’ll drive 8 hours to make a baby shower for 3 hours. It’s just who I’ve always been. This kind of travel and scheduling can be exhausting; I live out of a suitcase more often than I wish. The bed in which I sleep for the most consecutive nights is the bed on board my ship. I wouldn’t trade all the travel for anything - those moments and memories are always worth it. 

But sometimes I need to take a moment away from all the travel and busyness. Stepping back might mean staying home for the night and watching a movie. It means scheduling work classes strategically to minimize the number of flights I have to take. It means prioritizing what has to get done today, and deciding what can wait for another day. It’s looking ahead with a mindset of “how can I make my future self’s life easier?”. Sometimes I will plan to take work classes within days of signing off so I have more weeks in a row in the middle of my time off without obligations. Other times it’s as simple as really focusing on the to-do list and not sleeping until 2pm just because I can, so that later I can enjoy the weekend with my 9-5 friends! 

I think many of us can agree that life has felt heavy lately. Watching the world with anxiety, busy shipping schedules with delayed crew changes and limited time ashore to decompress, and other life stressors. It is so important to take the time you need to take care of your mental health. 

So am I optimistic? Yes! This career affords me a lot of benefits, and that is going to be my focus as I start this next hitch. The upheaval I feel from constant traveling is the result of being loved by a lot of people all over the country. The tiredness from work is the result of being employed. The ability to travel as far and frequently as I do is a financial blessing of my career. Sometimes I take on more than I probably should but for now, every yes has led me to an opportunity I haven’t regretted (even if I’m tired afterwards). I just have to take time to rest.

Navigating the Beginning of a Career

I’ve written and erased this piece more times than I care to admit. As I double-check my packing list, set up my finances, and organize my land life before heading back to work, I’m ready to finally finish my thoughts about my first-ever hitch as a newly minted Third Mate.

There are two groups of people I really hope to resonate with: those in school or on their cadet sailing tour, and those who think they may want to get involved in this industry.

Here at the beginning of my career, I can’t help but look back at where I was not too long ago. What started with following a few random maritime women on Instagram has grown into an unexpected community; a community that I hope to continue to contribute to in an effort to encourage those who follow.

The jump from cadet to third mate is one that is exciting but demands respect. The responsibility entrusted to you in the process of taking on this position is something that is not lost on me. That being said, this industry is awesome. I’ve worked with some great people, seen some awesome places, and get to have a job that I don’t hate waking up in the middle of the night to do. My hope is to show that a career in this industry is one that is worth pursuing, and there are so many people along the way to lend you a hand.

I cannot thank the crew of my first hitch enough. They were patient, encouraging, and helped get me to where I needed to be as a part of the team. They made me laugh, they let me eat way too many Rice Krispies, and they supported me in so many ways. Shipping takes you to places you never thought you would go and allows you to meet people who may have otherwise been an unlikely friend.

For those still in school I can only say, hold the course. Take each day as it comes. Work hard, and overcome the struggles! To the women interested in a career at sea: do your research and ask questions, and don’t be afraid to take the leap. 

3/M Cat Livi on the bridge!

"How did you get started in the maritime industry?"

When I was initially approached to share my start (and let's be serious, this is the very start) in the Maritime industry, I was hesitant. I didn’t feel like I had that much to say yet, still being in school. But I was encouraged to share an academy cadet’s perspective with a really great community of seafaring women, so I hope I do it justice! 

Chasing the Dream

When I was looking at college, I knew there were a few things I wanted from a job in the future. I knew I wasn't ready to work in an office, and I knew I wanted a job that was dynamic and changed daily. I wanted something that could satisfy my craving for an adventure as well as challenge me. 

There are six Maritime Academies in the United States where you can earn your license while studying in Maritime-focused majors: California Maritime, Maine Maritime, State University of New York Maritime, Texas A&M, Great Lakes, Massachusetts Maritime and the United States Merchant Marine Academy, which is also referred to as “Kings Point” due to its location Kings Point, NY. 

USMMA is also one of the five federal services academies, such as the Naval Academy or the Air Force Academy. In return for your education being funded by the taxpayer, you are required to fulfill a few obligations upon graduation: you are expected to sail on your license for five years, serve in the Naval Reserve for 8 years and maintain your license for 6 years, or you can choose to serve in any active duty branch for five years. Kings Point also requires you to spend 330 days at sea for a deck major or 300 days for an engine major on commercial ships for what is called “Sea Year”. This is done within the four years you spend attending school. Upon graduation, you receive a bachelor of science degree, a 3rd mates unlimited tonnage license, and a commission in the United States Naval Reserve Strategic Sealift Officer Program. 

My parents, both graduates of USMMA, were incredibly supportive in their guidance. I had grown up on sea stories of traveling all over the world and carrying the responsibility for maintaining the engines of a ship, or conning a ship full of cargo. They encouraged me to look at the school and see if it offered what I was looking for. I knew that going to Kings Point was not going to be a typical college experience. I knew that while it offered me that sense of adventure I craved, it would also require a regimented lifestyle (we wear uniforms, for instance) as well as a high credit load that is accomplished by going to school from July to June. Despite this I knew that going to the academy would provide unique hands-on training by giving me a full year of sea time. 

In the last 2 years I have to say it's been a crazy adventure. I feel extremely fortunate to have had incredibly supportive and  encouraging parents who gave me an inside look at an industry so many people don't know about, and who truly "get it" when I just need to vent about a tough day at school or work! In addition to my parents, my older brother also found his way on the water and currently sails as a 3/M, and my sister is studying for her third mates license at this time and sailing as a deck cadet as well. 

I am currently a Marine Transportation and Intermodal and Logistics Major. The intermodal and logistics concentration requires a few more business and logistics classes than just the deckie route. Kings Point breaks up the Sea Year into 4-month and 8-month periods. My first sailing was spent on a Military Sealift Command Oiler (T-AO). The MSC tanker’s mission was to carry fuel, including diesel and jet fuel, for navy ships. I operated in the 7th fleet supplying the Navy during UnReps, or Underway Replenishments, refueling at sea. The operation was very cool to see. My second sailing I spent on a RO/RO (Roll-on-Roll-off) car carrier traveling from the east and gulf coast of the USA to Northern Europe. And I just completed my cadet shipping on a coastwise tanker to obtain my Tankerman Person-In-Charge (PIC). A Tankerman PIC is an endorsement added to a license to transfer liquid cargo. In order to obtain this endorsement you must sail 90 days on a tanker, as well as be present for at least five loads and five discharges. You are also required to be present for the commencement and completion of cargo. 

My hope in becoming a part of the Sea Sisters community is to provide insight into cadet shipping and the Academy approach to obtaining your license, and to add another story to the collection to encourage any young women who are wondering whether the maritime industry is the adventure they are looking for! 

I would be lying if I said every day at school has been sunshine and unicorns because that is just not the case. School certainly has it challenges. I would also be lying if I said every day at sea has been pretty sunsets and rainbows (though there have been many of those). As in all things, there are challenging tasks - as well as challenging coworkers. But I can say without a doubt that I have found a career that allows me to be financially stable right out of college, and the vacation-to-work ratio allows me to not be a slave to the office. 

For me right now, the maritime industry is full of open doors and paths to choose from! 

*Please note, this post does not represent the official view of the United States Merchant Marine Academy or the US Navy